Friday, February 19, 2010

Understanding. Or not.

There comes a time when all you can speak of, you can say only paradoxically.

Glasses shatter into several fragments. Each, having its own reality. What it held, spreads across the floor in no particular direction. But there is a pattern. When you walk, the tiniest pieces inch into your skin and in some corner of your mind, you feel the pain but for the most part of it, you just don't care. You're numb, but you're not.

Your head feels dizzy, you still keep walking in endless circles of resignation, desperation. You go where your feet take you. You can't feel the ground. But you're aware. Yes. You're aware of every step that you take. Your tactile sense have never been so sharp before.

When you close your eyes you can see the abyss of darkness that you've just fallen into. You can get out just by opening your eyes. But does that make it any different? Does it straighten the knots of the fix that you're in?

Eventually you see lines, colours, shapes. They grow over each other, fumbling in the dark, fighting for a purpose. Maybe they're trying to get out. Maybe they're not. maybe there is no purpose. Open your eyes, they're saying. I can hear them. Open your eyes. Their voices are getting louder. But I don't want to. I want to stay locked. Maybe there is freedom inside. The further I stay from them, the better.

If you shut your eyes fiercely you can see how your mind looks. It is no organ, it has no flesh, no blood, no tissues. You can't understand the form but it's your mind. It somehow feels all too familiar. You stare into it. Trying to understand the disputes, the disturbances, the shambles of all order.

Shambles. Chaos. Realization. Now you smile. Hah.

In a movie called Pi (I saw it a long time ago) a mathematician said: It's not the number. It's the meaning. It's the syntax. It's what's between the numbers.


Gymnast said...

" If you shut your eyes fiercely you can see how your mind looks"

Oh yes . The mind . That thing which is inside me that just doesn't stop speaking. Several nights i lie awake for it to quieten up , this mind of mine.

I shall not even begin to describe my encounters with it , it is so weird that you might suspect me to be psychotic.

Which i am , at least partly.

Have i told you that you write very well?

Gymnast said...

Sorry , this is a bit off-topic and i know i am using up ur comment space..but , dont u check ur orkut account once in a while ?

Maybe you should.

BloggerMouth said...

Thanks, checking :)

Medha said...

Dude, withdrawal at its very best.
Its inebraiting even, in a good way. Enjoy it while you can.

BloggerMouth said...

I don't know if it's good or bad. Can't really be enjoyed either. Or maybe it can be. I know but I don't know.

aditya said...

So many beautiful thoughts running through your winding mind. Flirting with ironies. Oscillating on the lines of contradictions. Back and forth. Between the fathomed and the fathomless. Its what's between everything around you swati.

Lovely words .


Brosreview said...

I am relating this piece to my latest lyrics. Hmm, I have been there, talking paradoxically! Perhaps, my lyrics reveal that.

I love the final quote that you've shared!

Pesto Sauce said...

Thats really random